Empty~

You know , it’s coming round spring again. Or it’s trying to. The weather here in Arkansas can never seem to make up its mind this time of year. You know how it goes. Thirty degrees one day and seventy the next. Cold and grey, gloomy and wet. The wind seems to suck up any hope of anything new and fresh that dares to stick its head above ground. Sometimes that’s the way lupus makes me feel. My mind tries so very , very hard to stay positive, you know? Every day I wake up in a genuinely good mood. I really do. I am a seriously positive person. Ask anyone who knows me. That’s not bragging. It’s who I am. I was born that way. I don’t have a problem seeing the glass as half full. But , the problem is, that with lupus, you have two holes in the bottom of your glass. Constant pain, and mind -blowing fatigue. So no matter how hard you work to keep the glass full , it is constantly running empty. Empty. EMPTY. You’re tired. You’re running to the faucet. You’re filling your bucket. Dump it in the glass. Smile. The glass is full for a little while longer. But , only for a little while. Run. Run. RUN!! Empty again. Empty. empty. empty. smile. pick it up. pickituppickituppickitup……….that’s lupus. Then people begin to wonder. About why you feel stuck in between winter and spring. In that place between blue and grey. They haven’t been there , so they don’t see….. because they don’t have two holes in their glass…..they are only worried about the color, the color of their glass, the size of their glass, the shape of their glass, how much their glass cost…they just don’t see how much it cost me every day to keep my glass even halfway full…