About Me~, Uncategorized, Writing

Wings~

 

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Happiest of Tuesdays to you EveryBUDDY! I hope today finds you doing the best you can with what you have. Sometimes that’s all we can do. The best that we can. Sometimes not even that. Sometimes we can’t even give it our all. There are days we can only give it our “some”. And the perfectionist in me is learning to be okay with that. I am very blessed in that I married a man who is perfectly okay if the house is not spotless every day. I do NOT have to look like a supermodel when I roll out of the bed in the mornings. ( Thank the Good Lord above. ) He met me when I was already very ill , and married me anyway. Needless to say it pretty much all went downhill from there. If angels walk among us, I’m pretty sure he hides his under his grease stained overalls. I read  very frequently a question that gets asked on my lupus page, from many of my followers, who are just beginning their journeys with this insidious disease, the question I most dread hearing. “Does it get better?” They can usually mean a few things by this. Sometimes they mean the treatment they receive from friends and family members. As in , “Does the treatment from them get better? Will they understand? Will they be more compassionate and helpful?” I wish I could say yes. But mostly , sadly, the answer is “No.” People , in large part, don’t “Get it” unless they GET IT , and that is something we don’t really wish on anyone. Sometimes they mean , “Will my illness get better?” And the answer to that is a resounding “No. ” as well. Oh how I wish I could say, “Oh yes! The doctors are so helpful. The treatments are wonderful. And the support is great. You’ll be back to yourself in no time. ” But it’s just not true. The best I can wish for them is a period of “remission” a short respite of ease . Now for those of you reading this thinking, “Well aren’t you being a Debbie Downer today??” I don’t mean it to be! I really mean it to be positive, so that when you see someone WITH a disease like we have , you will TRULY understand how HARD we fight to STAY positive. We must make up our own minds EVERY SINGLE DAY that we are going to live to see above the trees.  EVERY minute to smile through horrible pain. Our bodies literally hate us. And no amount of King’s Men can put our Humpty Dumpty’s back together again. So we must make the best go of it that we can, and oil our flying machines.  If we seem triumphant over some small thing, please remember that maybe even walking down the hall to our bedroom was like a 10K . Standing long enough to cook spaghetti was like a marathon. Taking one of our meds off our list , is relative to soaring over  Everest. These are the measures we count our lives by. So please. Don’t take offense if we don’t seem like “our old selves”. It’s been a long , long time since some of us even remember what that was like. Smile with us in the now. You don’t have to “HAVE IT ” to “GET IT”   🙂  Our bodies might seem to  be falling apart, but our spirits are still the same on the inside.  The wings might be bent, but not broken, at least, not for long. Come fly with us.

About Me~, Uncategorized, world affairs, Writing

What’s It Really Worth?

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A million dollars. Say someone walks up to you and just gives you a million dollars . No strings attached. They don’t want anything from you, you don’t have to do anything for it, they don’t need anything from you, they just walk up to you , hand it to you , and walk away. What would you buy? Do you immediately know? Do you have a list? It’s funny isn’t it? Suddenly you have all this money , it’s yours just to blow ! I’ve had this very scenario in my head a dozen times. And you know what? I can’t think of a SINGLE thing I’d rush out and buy. Not one.It just suddenly doesn’t seem all that important anymore.  My home is paid for. It might not be what anyone else would call a mansion , but I’ve never cared about that. The land it sits on belonged to my Pappaw , who thought it the most beautiful spot of land in the world, so beautiful that he died here, which makes it worth more than money to me.  My van is paid for. It’s not new, but it goes up and down the road. That’s what cars are supposed to do , right? Take you up and down the highway? I’ve got clothes to keep me warm, clothes to keep me cool , blankets to cover up the beds, food in the icebox, a couple of old dogs to bark if company comes. My Momma and Daddy are still living, right next door.Some things money just can’t buy. There’s no price tag you can attach. To happiness. To the people you find it with. Or the memories you made with them.  I find it funny sometimes to see all those people in the magazines and on the television shows talking about how their houses cost more money than most of us will ever see in our lifetimes. More money than our entire state budgets even. Then you read that they get divorced, remarried,  and all the unhappiness that follows them. You wonder if maybe they wouldn’t be a little better to follow the advice of John Anderson in that old song “Black Sheep”.

My daddy was a brakeman on a highball traveling train
Mama she raised four little children and the family had a good name
And papa and mama wanted all for us they never had
Big brother little brother sister too none of them turned out half bad
‘Cept me I’m the black sheep of the family

Big brother went to college and became a doctor man
I guess he makes about a million dollars a year off the folks on insurance plans
He’s got a big long Mercedes Benz and a house overlooking the town
He sits in his Jacuzzi and he watches the sun go down
And he feels real sorry for me, I’m the black sheep of the family

Yeah I drive me a big ol’ semi truck I’m makin’ payments on a two room shack
My wife she waits on tables and at night she rubs my back
And I tell her what my papa said to my mama when he got off the highball train
Wake me up early be good to my dogs and teach my children to pray

Little sister married a banker yeah he owns a country club
He bought her a big ol’ racing horse and a funky lookin’ little dog
He buys her big rings and diamonds and a brand new Japanese yacht
Yeah, they like to get together and talk about all the things they’ve got
But they never mention me, naw,  I’m the black sheep of the family

Yeah, I drive me a big ol’ semi truck I’m makin’ payments on a two room shack

My wife she waits on tables and at night she rubs my back

And I tell her what my papa said to my mama when he got off the highball train,

Wake me up early be good to my dogs, and teach my children to pray.

I beg ya woman, wake me up early , be good to my dogs, and teach my children to pray.

 

Seems like maybe we could all do worse than to live our lives a little more like that.

About Me~, Writing

Beautiful~

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My husband took me out for a drive up around the lake that’s about 7 miles from where we live yesterday. They call Arkansas the Natural State for good reason. If you live here, there is pretty much a lake, stream , river, pond, or body of water of some sort near driving distance from where you live. People hunt here, they fish, there are more critters of the furry , scaled, flying, and feathered variety than you could shake a stick at. We have huge loblolly pines, cedars, oaks, practically any kind of tree you could imagine. I love it here.

During my childhood I spent more time outdoors than I EVER spent in. I was a wildling. I hated bathing, combing my hair only when made to, did not wear shoes, rode a horse everywhere , went without a shirt  , dressed as a boy; people thought my Dad had three daughters and ONE son, and he most of the time did not bother to correct them.  Two of my favorite things , other than riding, were to climb the tallest tree I could find, and the other, were to go up what we called ‘ the dirt road’  and lay in Mr. Plant’s pasture for hours and just watch the clouds go by overhead. There is something so amazing about just feeling the grass under your back, and smelling the trees, and not having to worry about a single thing.

Then I lost all that. Some crazy illness from the pit of wherever these things come from stole that from me. The very sunshine itself made me sick. I couldn’t even get out in it. It were as if I became a vampire. A pale shadow of myself. Smelling the grass made me break out into hives. Pine trees made me come down with infections so severe I ‘d need antibiotics.  Heck. I couldn’t even climb a tree without becoming so winded I ‘d feel like passing out. The fatigue was unbelievable.

Fast forward 15 plus years to yesterday and the ride round the lake I was telling you about. I have lupus and assorted other things . We know that now. I deal. The thing is,  I have bad spells . I get really sick, so I hadn’t been out , not really ,in so very long, because the problem I’ve been dealing with lately is what they call syncope. That’s a fancy word for passing out. Kissing the carpet.  Not fun. No drives. Heh. Shoot. No sitting up for very long without feeling light headed. But I’ve felt better the last couple of weeks so up to the lake we went.  It was spectacular. Everything was greener than I have ever seen it. Suddenly a tear leaked out of the corner of my eye. The minute it does my husband starts to pull the car over thinking I’m getting sick. ” What’s wrong? Are you okay?!?” he asked nervously.  “Yeah. Yes. Yes. It’s  just so beautiful.”

About Me~, Poetry, Uncategorized

Twisted~

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I wonder if you see me ,
if you really care,
If I’ve become some spirit ,
just passing through you there.
A will’o’wisp with no real form,
to tie me to your sphere,
I am just a haint to you ,
with naught to hold me here.
We used to be lovers bold,
and cared naught who saw,
held tight with bands of brightened gold,
without a taint or flaw.
But you have found another,
who’s caught your soul from thee,
torn it like a paper mask,
worn on Hallow’s eve.
So tis not I , the haint,
but you my dear,
and you don’t realize,
the spider caught you in her web ,
and drained you with her lies.

About Me~

Off-key~

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Use what talent you possess: The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang the best. ~ Henry Van Dyke

I like to sing. I don’t know that I’m any good at it, but I enjoy it. I especially like turning the radio up loud when I’m in the car by myself, and just letting it all go. I know the people at stop lights probably wonder if I’m cleared to drive, but hey, life is too short to worry about what the person in the next car thinks, right? Music is good for the soul, they say, and I have found that to be true. When I don’t feel well, I love turning the music channel on the t.v. and listening to depressing songs. Sounds weird probably, but it helps me feel better. Hearing other people sing about how their life sucks just kind of makes you realize that maybe yours isn’t so bad. I had never seen the above quote before today. I think it’s great, though. I wish more people felt like that. When I was little my dad used to take me out in the woods a lot. I loved sitting with him and listening to all the sounds of the outdoors. I hadn’t really thought about what the forest would sound like if only the best birds sang. You don’t really imagine one bird saying to another, “Geez, Bill, you are SO off-key! What is with you?!? Thinking you can sing and crap? Get real!” No, I guess they are probably all just happy with what the Good Lord gave them, and just happy with the fact that they didn’t get eaten overnight or anything. If we were more grateful for the small things in life, we might have more to sing about……..Hmmmmm…..well, I didn’t get eaten overnight……believe I’ll sing! 🙂

About Me~, Poetry

Arrival and Inspiration~

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This is a poem I wrote today after seeing some birds outside my window. I got to thinking about how optimistic they are in the face of how the weather still is outside today. It is beautiful here today, but still chillingly cold. The sun was out, but the wind was biting. The birds , however just looked so very happy to be out in the gorgeous redbud tree. The buds of the tree themselves were totally unfazed. Just brightly purple ,contrasted nicely with the red of the birds, who seemed so contented to just see spring finally arriving after the winter of snow and ice, that it was hard to fault their joy. It was beautiful to watch them enjoy the sunshine, and eating the seeds that they were finding. I was almost envious of their joy. It was very inspiring. Just a little something I wanted to share with you . Something that caught my attention today. Hope this finds you feeling creative , or inspired by something, that maybe you haven’t really noticed before in your life, or that maybe you have, but noticed it in a new way. ~ Ruby Jeanette

Poetry

The River~

A quiet foggy morning. The river lies low.
A lone fly -fisherman is hoping to catch a trout.
Ripples and waves,
trickle and play.
The trees stoop over the water.
Reaching for their drink for the dawn.
Shhhhhhh.
A squirrel.
Nibbling the hickory nut away from its branch.
Snap.
Crunch.
Appetizer on a limb.
It’s breakfast ,
wilderness style.