I couldn’t take it anymore. I was going to go mad. I was sure I was. Absolutely bonkers. So. I walked out. It was SO beautiful outside today. I just couldn’t stay cooped up in this house one single minute more. I literally felt as though I had no air. I told my sons I am going to walk to Maw and Paw’s. If it kills me. I mean it very well could have I suppose . It’s only next door, not even a mile. But me and being upright, we don’t really gee-haw. The world quite fantastically becomes topsy-turvy , and not in the fun, Through-The-Looking-Glass -Sense, but in the I need the emergency care sense. But I just couldn’t take it anymore. I love being outdoors more than anything. Being basically sofa and bed bound is soul-crushing. The same views. The windows. The monotonous television, computer, and even as much as I love them, yes, books. I mean my husband has done amazing things for me outside my windows, so that I have my bird feeders. He keeps my plants , vintage lamps, and green glass insulators situated in the lights so that they are sparkling. Those are all wonderful things. But oh, today. I just missed it so much . Did you ever just long for the smell of the woods, and the feel of the wind, and the sound of the gravel crunching under your feet? Walking to my parents should have been a five minute walk. It took my son and me nearly half an hour. I went very slow and very steady. The joy though! The deep green of the moss on the creek bank . The birds flying over from the oak where Grandpa used to sit in his old cast iron farm chair. I kicked the sand up with my bare feet even in the cold and even in my exhaustion it was the most glorious I had felt in what seemed like forever. I know when I appeared at their door, my parents thought I had indeed, “Gone round the bend.” so I assured that “Oh yes! I was. But then again . All the best people are.” My sweet Daddy did do me the courtesy of a ride , so I didn’t have to walk back. But maybe we all need a little bit of insanity sometimes ………..just to really feel sane.
You know trends come and go . That’s the way things work. Always has been . Always will be. People just SWEAR. Oh em gee, swear………..that will NEVER be “IN” again. Never. “Ugh. Can you believe she’s wearing that blue eyeshadow??? THAT will never be in again!” HA. “He is rolling the cuffs of his pants. That WILL NEVER be in again.” And on and on it goes. I’ve never been much of a trend follower, or setter or anything like that. I’ve always kind of just done what I liked, if you liked it “Huzzah!” if not, well, then , “Keep right on walkin’, withya’.” The funny thing is, my taste in men has pretty much always been the same. I like them to look oddly enough, like, well, “MEN”. As in Tom Selleck, Sam Elliott, Thomas Jane, John Wayne, The Marlboro Man ( Which I think actually WAS Tom Selleck at one point.) I do not want these airbrushed, gleaming , seals of things that they do in commercials these days for colognes that smell like they think the ocean is “supposed” to smell like. Men are supposed to smell like outside, the REAL outside. And machinery. And grease. And hard work. And dirt. And to look they could muss you up and MESS UP someone for thinking of mussing you up. So here’s the where it gets hysterical . I married a lumberjack. A literal lumberjack. Whose job it was at the time we married to go out into the woods , and take down enormous trees with a saw. A logger. Yes. Had been his whole life. That and a diesel mechanic. His standard look twenty years ago was beard, glasses , plaid or checkered shirt, and boots. I thought he was sex on a stick. My friends thought I was nuts. His style was twenty years out of date, and they thought it was bananas. “What does she see in him?” and “Why does he dress like that?” “No one dresses like that anymore. That style will NEVER be in again!” Fast forward twenty years . We’re sitting in a restaurant about an hour from our hometown. Casually dining, I notice that the much younger attractive waitress is eyeing my husband in his winter hat, plaid shirt, jeans , rimmed glasses, and boots. I finally laugh as she moves away from the table. He asks me “What??” I say, “She was totally flirting with you!” “Why ?”, he says. “Oh you’re the new it thing. Lumbersexual , it’s called. I kid you not.” I thought he would pass out. What’s old is new again indeed. HA! Oh , and by the way ladies, I see you looking…………………
My husband of twenty years with his “hip” beard.
I did something today that by archaic standards probably doesn’t sound all that bad. I took my first bath in over a year. Now before you freak out , screaming “EWWWWW! Go away, cootie -girl!!” I don’t mean , “I haven’t showered, shaved, or washed my hair.” So like, Nyah! I mean I haven’t had a real , sit down in the tub , enjoying a soak- bath. Which I have MIIIIIIIISSSSSSSEEEDDDD. I . LOVE. BATHS. The oils, The smelly things, The hot water, The getting in, The STAYING IN! ARRRGH. Just all of it. So why had it been a year?!? You’re probably already asking that in your mind, I know you are. She must have been like, in a convent , or something! No, see here’s the sitch. My body hates me. Seriously. It’s out of its own mind. On any given day. It literally can’t decide what to do with itself. I have lupus for starters , which let me tell you is SUPER FUN! ( Insert sarcasm here) If that weren’t enough jollies all its very own :) it decided to bring something called autonomic dysfunction to the party! Whhhhheeeee! Basically meaning the control knobs to my nervous system are permanently broken. Sooooo………..let’s see what shall our nervous system decide for you today? Want to have your heart rate bottom out , and faint in front of a whoooooole bunch of people? Ok! Or how about a stroke, that sounds like a genuinely good time! Or gee, let’s make you allergic to so many random things that you never know what might set you off, and big box stores become like roulette wheels of anaphalaxis! Also no more hot water because it makes your blood pressure zoom out of control, and you pass out in the tub. Oh and standing showers are out of the question , so here’s the little old lady shower chair for you as well! Welcome to your new bathing routine, and enjoy! So yeah, a whole year, it’s been, but I was super careful today ! I promise. Water wasn’t, kill you hot, I had the grippie rug, no slippery oils, and let me tell you it . was. fan -freaking-tastic. Did I mention that I love baths?? I won’t say it was better than sex, but it was pretty close. It might be a whole other year before I get another, so hey! I must take my fun where I find it these days………….Take that chronic disease, you’ve been bested one more round!