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The Troll’s Den~

It’s been so long since I’ve been here! Hullo again everyone! Hope you are enjoying a fabulous day wherever you are, and whatever you are doing. I’ve had some ups, and some downs. But the same is said for everyone, so that’s not news. Right now they think I might have torn my ACL or my Meniscus , and I am waiting on an MRI to tell, so I am seriously sofa-stuck. As in , way more than usual. I am trying to catch up on my writing, be more inspired, which is sometimes hard when you want to just be growl-y with the world at large. My boys coming up soon to be 17 and 15 HAVE actually been a huge help , they’ve been cooking dinner, doing laundry, running to the store ( well , not literally! driving, okay, driving! that’s a Southern term. “Will you run to the store?” ) , and of course they’ve also been keeping up with their studies , lest people think I use them as my personal servants, okay?!? That SO does not happen. But they live here too, and DUDE. Can they eat. As my Daddy says they have “holler legs”. It is not a lie. I swear I keep the local store in business on what they put away. And they aren’t overweight. If I ate like that , I’d weigh 400 pounds, not even kidding.  But they ARE teenage boys. They want to play their video games, aren’t really all that concerned with what girls think of them yet, ( Praise be to the Heavens!) , mostly just want to belch , scratch their armpits, and eat pizza.  So they are trolls. There. I said  it. Hey . You KNOW you were already thinking it, but a teenage boy at that stage is basically , a troll. So , after seeing all these stupid Febreze commercials, I decided I had to write about my feelings on the matter. I give you for your reading pleasure,

Dear Febreze~ Please stop making commercials that have my teenage sons believing that if they simply spray your product that their room will magically be clean. Teenage boys as a rule are untidy as a species. They do not like to live in organized environments and will happily enjoy as much chaos as will be allowed by whomever is in control of them . This soon descends into troll-like behavior , with the hoarding of objects; such as food, toys, games, electronics, some with a purpose and some no longer even with any wires! laundry of all sorts, the clean as of now not tellable from the unclean, objects totally unspeakable growing in spots you might even consider needing sprinkled with holy water. Instead, you would have them believe that for the low, low price of JUST $2.99! they can spray their room with your can of Harvest Fall Pumpkin Spice Pie and that will whisk away their troubles! I say unto you in the immortal words of the late comic John Pinette. Nay, Nay! What I get instead is a cloud of choking carcinogens that only mingle with body odor, dust, funky laundry, and what I can only assume is the pizza they carried in there sometime in the last milennia. You have lied Febreze, and I call you out on it. I dare you , I say, dare you to come to a room filled with teenage boys who have been using your product in the prescribed manner, and do a commercial. You will owe me money good sirs. On a final note, let me just say, your cans look really pretty on the shelf, which is about as much good as they do. Sincerely, a mother of two sons ( Whom I rabidly make clean their room every day, it just doesn’t seem to make much difference.)