I have discovered a wonderful new exercise program! I am going to give it to you in detail in just a few minutes!
But first, I have lupus. I have a whole box of brown bottles full of pills that are supposed to do magical things for my lupus. They DO NOT however , do magical things for my GI tract.
Sooooooo, I like bathrooms. I like knowing where they are, how many of them there are, and how long it will take me to get to one at any particular time. Now that I’ve said that , you will understand my new exercise plan!
Step One ~ Locate the bathroom. If it’s a big Wal-Mart , it will be alllllllll the way in the back, so you are burning calories already!
Now walk in. You cannot use stall 1, 2, 3, or even 4. No. You must trudge alllllllll the way down to stall 5. This is the only stall that will allow your now -weakened legs to let you get back up again, because it has the high loo.
Step Two~ Assume the position. Take care of your business. Attempt to jump 10 feet into the air, when the automatic toilet flushes before you are finished. Calories burned so far……100.
Heart Rate~ 110.
Step Three~ Walk to the sinks. You must now do the Macarena for 5 minutes straight in an attempt to get the “automatic” water to come on. Right hand, left hand , wave, cross your arms, touch your tushie…..Hey , Macarena!
Calories burned so far……125 Stress level….5
Step Four~ Walk to the automatic paper towel dispenser. Wave at it. Wave and smile. Wave, smile, and say please. Jump and down , wave and scream, “PLEASE!!!”
Realize that it is NOT in fact an automatic paper towel dispenser. Turn the plastic knob and get a paper towel. Look around to see if anyone saw you.
Calories burned so far……..225 Stress level……8 Embarrassment level…….uncharted…..
Step Five~ Walk to the door. Do fifteen leg lifts to open the door with your foot, so that you don’t have to touch the dirty handle.
Calories burned so far………300 Stress level …….ha, ha. What?!?
Step Six~ Return to buggy. Ask self , “Now WHY did I come in Wal-Mart again?”
Repeat for as many times as you can stand it, or until you achieve the desired results. Now note that I DID NOT say that weight loss would be the ONLY result………bald patches, frayed nerves, and unbought items can also be side effects of this remarkable program. Proceed at your own risk.