Blank Pages

Blank Pages

We will open the book . The pages are blank. We will write the words ourselves. The book is called Opportunity, and the first blank page is New Year’s Day. ~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Tomorrow is the first day of 2012. Have you got big plans? Do you make resolutions? I never make resolutions. I don’t believe in them. I guess I just feel like it’s a good way to make yourself feel let down, as I don’t know anyone who actually keeps their resolutions! Besides, that’s actually taking your whole year for granted ya’ know? That assumes you will HAVE a whole year to change. When you have a life threatening disease , you learn you may not have a whole year to change a bad habit. Or lose weight. Or to do something fun. As a matter of fact, when you have a life threatening disease you learn that some of those things don’t even matter anyway! What’s a couple extra pounds when you’re doin’ good to just still be here, fat and all? What is eating potato chips for breakfast as a bad habit, when it’s great to even be able to eat? And don’t wait until tomorrow to do something fun, cause if you feel like it today, you better do it today! So, I don’t make proclamations, or resolutions. Today is MY day. I won’t even wait until tomorrow to begin my dreaming. It really is true what they say. “Life is short.” If you have something you want to do, start now. Right this second. If you have something you need to say……say it now! If you love someone……go right this minute and tell them so. You won’t be sorry ! So instead of carpe diem, sieze the day….how about seize the moment?


Get Your Toes Wet~

Get Your Toes Wet~

It’s come to that time of the year again. The time where the old is on the way out, and the new is on the way in. Beginnings. They can be fun. Or scary. Or thrilling. Or terrifying. It’s like that first swim of the summer. You know when you are not quite sure if the water is warm enough . You want to get in, but are just not sure if you’re brave enough for the cold! So, we know the best way is to just jump in. Don’t just touch your toes in, take that running leap and bail off the deep end! Scary, I know. I guess the scariest part is that unknown time between when you jump and when you land. That split second in between when the cold hasn’t quite reached you. When you hit, you know what’s happening. Wow! Sheesh, that’s cold! But then it’s over. The surprise is gone then. But that teeny blip in time when you are hung in midair waiting for it to catch up with you is the most uncertain, and thrilling moment. I suppose you could avoid it altogether. I mean you could just stay away from the water. You could swear off jumping from the deep end, or wait until the middle of summer when you KNOW the water will be warm. But , what would be the fun in that? Sure , life can be scary. Some of the experiences are not fun. Things can be painful, or even shocking. But, taken as a whole these events make up who we are. These deep end jumps and that adrenaline filled tingle. Those are the places we remember! So in 2012, I’ve promised myself, to look less, and leap more. To jump more freely, without thinking of the cold. To let myself go without toe-testing the waters first! Here’s to living in the moment!


Birth of a Holiday

and what's up with crayons?~

Crayon Lineup

Well. It's the day after. You know, the 26th of December. Ham and turkey hangover day. Too much pumpkin pie and pudding day. Whew. I think we've about decided that we are going to wait and have our Christmas in March next year.

What are your thoughts on that? Is that sacreligious or anything? I guess my idea was that my Dad, my Mom, AND my husband's birthdays are all in March. The craziness of the holidays would be over. Sales would abound! We could be really nontraditional with colors and decorations! Purple, pink, black, silver! We could use our own ideas about music, or traditions to go along with this "new" holiday. It would go against the whole materialistic, worldly , non -family oriented slant of the Christmas season. The more I think about it, the better and better I like this idea. Who comes up with holidays these days anyway? I know the beginnings of the so called regular holidays. Easter, Christmas, and the like. But , there's no hard and fast rule that we can't come up with our own, now is there? It's our family life, after all. If we wanted to have weird hat day in February and decide to eat tacos and lasagna while wearing them, we could. If we wanted to have favorite crayon color day, and eat only foods that were that color, we could. What's up with crayons, anyway? Why do we love them so much?

It's a brave new world! The sky's the limit I say! Man. Maybe I really DID eat too much ham and pudding yesterday……..

So if March rolls around and you see me post some kind of hinky looking "Holiday" pictures, you'll have a heads up as to what's going on!

Hope your holidays have been all you were looking for! If they weren't , maybe you could come up with a new way to celebrate with those you love!

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TA~DA! 2011 in 12 sentences…..

Well, I might have fudged on the 12 sentences part….but I'm windy, so what can I say?


1. January 2011~ Rescued two starving doggies who had been dumped out in the 9 degree icy weather.

2. February 2011~ Spent a LOT of money on two starving doggies at the vet's ……..

3. March 2011~ Celebrated hubby's 45 th birthday…..geez, he's old!

4. April 2011~ Homeschool testing accomplished, in the middle of a tornado warning , no less!

5. May 2011~ Spring break …..gone fishing!

6. June 2011~ Finished up school work……summertime!

7. July 2011~ Weather unbelievably hot….triple digits every day….no rain in weeks!

8. August 2011~ No rain, plenty of sun, 115? Yes sir!

9. September 2011~ What school time again?

10. October 2011~ Made a visit to theme park, cool enough to have fun!

11. November 2011~ Doctor visits, hospital trips, more medication? Uggh, yes, on all counts.

12. December 2011~ Christmas shopping, meal shopping, stockings hung with care? Done, done , and done.

2011 we've not seen the last of you yet, but all in all , you weren't too terrible. Yeah, I was sick, but I'm still kickin'! ER visits, doctor visits, medications…….hadn't whupped me yet!

2012 …..wonder what you'll bring? Who knows? I've learned to never even think that far ahead! I've learned it's better to be grateful for each and every second, as it comes. It might be all I get, or it might not….but I won't waste it wondering!

Hope 2011 was all you dreamed it would be…..but if it wasn't ……hey , you're still on THIS side of the flower bed, right? That means we can change the next second, minute, hour , days and months ahead, until we get it right!

So however you get your holidays on, or whatever you're saying….I wish you a blessed and full of joy season, that continues right on through 2012!

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About Me~

Something I'd Like to Learn More About

and a few things I wouldn’t …….I ‘ve got a whole huge list of things I ‘d like to learn more about! I don’t have enough hours in the day to take in everything I’d like to know.

I have children so I’m interested in herbal healing for them and myself. I homeschool so I’m always looking for new books or ideas for curriculum. I love to draw and paint, so anything in that department catches my eye. I cut all my family’s hair so I’d really like to get a couple of books on that subject as well. I love to try new recipes, so I’ve got a few cookbooks stacked at the end of my sofa …..along with some poetry books, three or four journals of my own, a sci fi series, some non fiction medical, gardening, textbooks, etc. My husband is always asking when I’m going to move my “library” off the floor from by the lamp!

So, I guess the question isn’t what would I like to learn more about? But what am I NOT interested in?

I can think of a few.

I’m not interested in why the world is so twisted. It just always has been , and always will be.

I’m not interested in hatred, or why people feel compelled to hurt one another. That’s just another one of those things.

I’m not interested in shallow people, or why they think the world revolves around them.

I’m not interested in those who only look to the beautiful people, thinking that they somehow have more answers than those of us who are plain.

I’m not interested in learning more about being petty, or selfish, or deceitful.

I only want to be learn about those things that will brighten up my corner of the world. Make someone laugh, or think about something in a different , more positive way.

I hope that somehow, some way, anything I know, or learn , only helps me accomplish those things!

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This post first blogged, December 21, 2011


My Astrological Sign

do you believe?


I am a Saggitarius. That's the archer, I do know that much. I don't place much stock in what sign I am, I guess. I'm sure there are schools of thought that say it has great bearing on the kind of person I am. There's a school of thought on everything these days! I know some people read their horoscopes . Either for fun or because they believe in it. I don't personally think it has any effect on my life , mostly because it's some one else's read on the universe and how it will impact me. To me that would be the same as reading someone's blog, and deciding that what they said was going to make you do something you wouldn't ordinarily do. You know, the whole "If your friends were jumping off of a cliff, would you do it?", type thing. I don't want anyone following me because they think I have all the answers! Seriously, I don't know anyone who does. People should really make their own decisions, based on what's best for them, not what the "stars" or the trends say to do. Really, the world is full of crazy , odd trends, and everyone thinks their way is best. I 'm just not sure the position of the heavens has anything to do with where I' ve been or where I am going. I'd like to think I had more say in my own life than that!

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A Terrible Lie To Tell~

a poem



69e0ed8c555076593913d1cb6a3fca56--glitter-gif-blue-glitter 211/365 Truth

I don’t think it’s ever okay to lie. And not for the reasons most people think. Not because it causes problems with your relationships with others, but because it seems to take a little piece of your own soul every time you do. One of the most terrible lies we tell is trying to change ourselves into someone or something else for another person. We want so much for them to like us, or for them to stay in our lives, that we say and do things we know don’t fit our own personalities, and souls. I finally had to decide I was just going to be me, and people will either like me or not. But the cost of becoming a completely different person was too high for me.

Opposite Ends~

I’m a little confused I guess,

I don’t understand why.

Why you hurt me all the time,

and try to make me cry?

I know that I’m not perfect,

but I never claimed to be.

I only know one way to live,

and that’s just to be me.

I get that we’re polar opposites,

you’re the sun and sandy beach.

I’m winter , cold and drifting,

the moon you cannot reach.

I’m sorry I can’t be the person,

you need me to be.

I don’t know how to change it,

so I’m setting myself free.

I’m one thing and you’re another

and I’m tired of playing games,

I’ll always be just who I am ,

I’ll always be the same.

It hurts that you don’t want me,

but I have to let it go,

I can’t take these lies anymore,

they’re bruising up my soul.

So now you’re free to be the person

you want so much to be.

I’m just here in the shadows, now

so don’t worry about me.

I’m going on with what I have,

and leaving you behind.

I hope you have much happiness,

and peace to soothe your mind.

I’ll always hold a prayer for you,

and hope you’ll say the same.

I’ll save the good times in my heart,

and never forget your name.

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A Poem for 2012



How far away is nowhere?

Could I get there from here?

Would it take a long time? Or none at all,

for me to get there?

I’d like to go there sometime,

and disappear away.

To have that nothingness envelop me,

and forget about this pain.

This illness overtakes me sometimes

and covers up my life.

Steals my joy and happiness,

robs away my rights.

I have to remind myself daily,

my soul has been set free.

Because my body might have lupus,

but lupus does not have me!

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About Me~

6 Things I Wish People Knew (About Lupus)

Lupus is a severe auto immune disease characterized by inflammation of various parts of the body.  I was diagnosed at age 18, after being very ill since age 14.  I’ve learned a lot about this disease in the 15 plus years I’ve been battling.  Here are a few things I wish I could share with everyone , everywhere!

1.  The tired I feel with Lupus is NOT the tired that a good night ‘s sleep will remedy.  This is the tired of the flu, or a virus complicated with a cold complicated by running a marathon complicated by being run over by a truck, if that makes sense.  THAT kind of tired.

2.  There is no such thing as a good night ‘s sleep with lupus.  Yes, they will give you sleep meds.  Yes, you do eventually pass out from exhaustion. But it is not the same thing as a regular sleep when you are healthy.

3.  The pain of lupus is not like pain from a regular injury or sickness.  Did you ever get a really bad sunburn?  Hurts like the devil, doesn’t it?  Ok. Now imagine that on your whole body, right down to your very bones?  Not pretty, huh?

4.  Medicine sucks!  Yes, it is helping to keep me alive.  But, it’s chemo. Or organ destroying medication.  Or enough steroids to kill a moose.  My hair is falling out, I’ve gained 100 pounds in 5 years, and I’ve got enough mood swings for a whole bus load of women with PMS.

5.  You can ask me questions!  You don’t have to tippy toe around it.  I’ll shout it for the whole world to hear!  Lupus is the pits!  Ask me anything you want to know!  I don’t bite.  (Much) 🙂

6.  And finally , the last thing I wish I could tell everyone, everywhere.  I don’t need your pity.  I accept my life for exactly how it is.  I’m not feeling sorry for myself.  Life is worth living no matter the cost.  I am still blessed.  I have family who love me.  I have my sense of humor!  The sun still rises.  These things still ring true.  And if I were not to wake up tomorrow, I would hope that those who knew me best , would know that they would eventually smile again.  Lupus is the pits.  But I choose to smile , anyway! 



Five Things I'm Good At




at least part of the time……

Do you have something you think you excel at? I think most people consider it bragging if you say you are good at something. In our society it’s kind of frowned upon to be confident. You might be thought of as arrogant or conceited. I didn’t have a problem listing my faults, but trying to think of five things I am good at was really difficult for me. But I think I’ve done it.

1. I am a good listener. I guess I must just project that vibe because I can be standing in the checkout line and have complete strangers start telling me their problems.

2. I am a good hostess. I like having people over , making them feel welcome in my home, and visiting with them. I guess it has to do with all the years I worked as a waitress. I just like serving .

3. I am creative. I can look at a milk jug and think of a dozen things to do with it when it’s empty. This comes in handy when you have kids whose new favorite expression is “I’m bored. Don’t we have anything we can do?”

4. I am compassionate. Sometimes this is a gift, and sometimes it’s a curse. I have great compassion for the sick, the hurting, the needy. I love to help others who are hurting, but if you think about it, sometimes all those feelings can overwhelm a person when the world is FULL of needy, hurting people. I can’t help them all , which is saddening to me.

5. I know how to make people laugh. I guess my motto for life is probably, “When all else fails, Laugh!” In the face of everything, laugh. In trial, or sorrow. In health or sickness. Just laugh. It’s carried me a long way already!

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