Someone once asked me kind of a scary question . I was actually really , really afraid to answer it. I am a really honest person , so when people ask me things, they get , “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me , God.” Which in some ways is nice, if you’re my friend you get my unvarnished opinion. I mean , if you say , “Does this make my butt look big,” and it does, then be prepared to be offended, if you didn’t REALLY wanna’ know, ya’ know? But it has it ‘s drawbacks, not everyone really wants to know the truth , I guess, cause the truth they say sets you free, and I’m not sure some people want to be. But anyhow , sidetrack, sorry. Back to THE QUESTION. The person wanted to know what was it like inside my mind? Now that’s a rather personal question, no matter who it comes from, but it came from a small child, who I think was kind of wondering WHY I wrote all the time, and read all the time, two things I’m kind of , no , I take that back , seriously obsessed with. So since a little kid asked , ( happened to be my own little kid at that) I answered honestly. I told them, something I had only told one other person ever before. My brain never shuts off. EVER. Not even when I sleep. The ideas just go round, round , round and round. Stories, poems, people, places, words, dreams, past, present, future, together, apart, singles, doubles, ping-ponging their way to places unknown. Most of it I remember when I wake up and am just too exhausted to write it all down. If it’s poetry I try to. Some of the stories if they’re especially interesting. It’s always been this way. I don’t remember ever sleeping like people talk about sleeping. No, I go places. I guess the only time I can remember my brain ever being quiet to be perfectly honest is while under anesthesia for surgery. 24/7 365 all the time of my life I’ve remembered it being this way. Is it exhausting? Absolutely. Would I change it? I don’t know. It scares me either way. If I made it go away, would the poetry , writing, creative part, be gone? Could I string a sentence together? What would be the price to pay for ONE night of dreamless sleep, and could I, would I pay it?
Have you ever suffered from writer’s block? I’ve heard people talk about it. I know people say that they sit in front of the page and just can’t think of anything to write. I have to confess I suffer from something sort of like that . But I call it writer’s flood. I suffer from insomnia a lot . It’s as if my brain never shuts off. My physical body has a disease called lupus which makes IT totally fatigued, but my brain NEVER stops talking. If my physical body could keep up, I could probably write 24/7. I don’t know that all the ideas would be good, or even make any sense. But they never stop coming. It’s like having a never ending radio station playing in your head.Like being washed away. Stories, upon stories, with no breaks in between. It even happens in my dreams, which is why the quality of my sleep , when I get any ,is probably not that great, either. I don’t always remember all of them, a lot of them I do. Especially if it’s poetry, I’ll get up and write it down right away, for fear it might be one of the things that might escape me by morning. Sometimes it feels like a curse, and sometimes I fear it is my greatest blessing and that at any moment I might wake up and find it gone, the stories sucked away somehow, and that I will sleep the blissful sleep of those who know no dreams.
This time change is LOUSY!! I can never seem to get my body back into the right rythym until days afterward. It’s raining here too. I had one of those nights where I just could NOT get comfortable. I had a good book, and tried to read myself to sleep which usually works like a charm. Not so last night. My poor little pregnant terrier was feeling it too, I guess. She couldn’t sleep either. She was in and out of the house to do her business, up and down trying to get comfortable, and so ended up spending part of the night sleeping while I rubbed her belly. That at least seem to help her some. I guess I could have raised a hue and cry myself, to see if someone would rub my belly, but it was hubs’ birthday yesterday , and I thought that might be kind of crappy of me. I figure he probably would’ve done it, but I can just imagine his expression…….heehee……”Hey, hon, I couldn’t sleep….it’s 3 am , rub my belly, while I rub the dog’s belly…..” Lol! I may have to do that next time just to see the look on his face……
Well, I seriously hope everyone had a better morning than me……if not, maybe we’ll all be back in the swing of things soon!
( Early bird, or night owl?) ~ I have weird sleep habits. Don’t get me wrong, I like my 8 hours just as much as the next gal, but I don’t usually get that much. I like to be up late. It ‘s going to sound strange , maybe, but it’s the only real time I get to myself. The house is quiet, and I don’t have anyone clamoring for my attention, or needing something from me. It’s great to be needed, but everyone needs an hour just to clear their brain, and kind of breathe, you know? But the really kooky thing is, that even though I like to be up late, I really DO like to get up early. Threre is just something about early morning, that I find attractive. The sun coming up, the birds start their morning routines, and I get the day started with them. What I really LOVE is doing my grocery shopping super early. It’s wonderful to walk down the aisles, and be able to take your time, not having people rushing past you , basically needing you to move because they are in a hurry. I spend a lot less money that way too, because I don’t have to speed through , grabbing whatever , just so I can be done. So, I don’t know, if that classifies me as an early bird, or a night owl. Maybe I ‘m an early bird adopted by a family of night owl, or vice versa. I dunno. I don’t know anybody who lands in one defined category in anything in life, though, so maybe this is no different! Strict rules are for the birds, anyway………..lol 😉