About Me~

To WHOM it MAY CONCERN~ in the style of TWAIN

Okay , those of you know I posted several months ago I posted the Mark Twain letter where he writes to the snake oil salesman who claimed to be able to “CURE” diptheria which tragically took the life of Twain’s son. He is such a great satirist, and today I found out that my sister suffered a completely unwarranted attack on some personal things that she can’t change, and therefore thought, I SHALL write a satirical letter to said unknown person. IT FOLLOWS.
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MarkTwain

Dear Person it may concern,
It has come to my attention that while conversing with my sister you felt compelled to make certain remarks about her appearance. This brings me to write this letter. Now I assume you ARE a real person, as my sister WAS speaking to you. You go about in broad daylight and are not therefore some type of vampire or other unworldly creature. And I MUST assume you have a brain , you spoke and didn’t shuffle haphazardly zombie like to bring out Daryl Dixon with his cross bow. And yet I am confused? You said my sister looked old! She’s a certain age , I won’t say what , as it’s no one’s business, but old compared to what? You said she looked tired! She has two sons, keeps an immaculate home, I daresay I could eat off of her bathroom floor, and not have the slightest fear! She has diabetes, 2 sisters with diseases killing them off slowly to whom she shows great compassion. So should she be jolly and gay? You even , I shudder to even mention this last one, for if you know , truly KNOW my sister, you would NEVER had said such a thing, said “She put on WEIGHT.” I perish, I faint, I revolt at the idea that you should be so cold. So you must surely be as Dorothy’s Scarecrow. Full of straw. Are you the ideal ? Are you young , vibrant , in your prime and perfect? Perhaps we should look deeper , for I am beginning to think there is nothing there in the middle at all, and you are more as the TIN MAN. “Oh, if I only had a HEART!” But let me reassure you ! There is hope! I shall pray for you. I shall pray you never feel the sting of a horrible comment such as those, and pray that people have compassion on your mean little soul. And I shall pray that you NEVER say such things to my sister again. As Twain would say Adieu! Adieu ! Adieu!

About Me~

Side Effects~

medicalbook

Be very careful of reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~ Mark Twain

Ha. I love the wisdom of Mr. Twain. And I have found so many of his quotes to ring true. Possibly none truer than this one. It also applies to listening to the health advice of others. Trust me, when you have had a chronic disease for 15 years , you get used to hearing all kinds of ideas from all kinds of people. For some reason , even complete strangers feel entitled to tell you what you should be doing with your body . “Oh, you have lupus?” “You need to drink vinegar mixed with the toenails of a Brazilian tree frog while standing in the shower on the third Thursday of each month!” or, “My cousin’s aunt’s daughter’s nephew’s boss has that. She has this great doctor who prescribed this drug you can get, and it cured her!” And on and on it goes. You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve had people tell me. I used to get really upset, because when people say things like that, they make you feel like you aren’t “trying” to get well, or that you are “enjoying” being sick. Sometimes it made me feel angry , because it made me feel stupid, as in “Oh, ask my doctor about new medicines?!?! I would NEVER have thought of THAT on my OWN! But after 15 years, you begin to realize that people really just feel helpless. Especially your family , and those close to you, who want so badly for you to be okay. They see you in this terrible pain, and don’t know how to help you. They see that your body is turning against itself, and turn to whatever seems like a quick fix. And it would be wonderful if it really worked that way, but unfortunately it doesn ‘t. As this point in time, there aren’t any “quick fixes” or really even any “slow fixes” for lupus. Basically , we’ve got Band-aids. We use the Band-aids to keep us patched up and going as best we can. Of course sometimes all I want is to use the Band-aids to cover up people’s mouths when they are offering their “help”, you know. So, if you have lupus like me, and are getting unwanted advice, try not to take it too seriously. But also know that just because you love these people doesn’t mean you have to apply their advice or suggestions! You can certainly take Mr. Twain’s advice. So you don’t “die of a misprint”.

Uncategorized

Snake Oil Salesmen~

After my recent hospital stay, I thought it would be fun to repost something I shared last year. I know that we all wish for more truth in advertising. Especially from the pharmaceutical industry. There is not much truth in their advertising these days. I know there are many , many doctors and nurses who genuinely have compassion and care for their patients. I have had the good fortune to be treated by some of them. But I’m not so sure about the big-pharma companies. I think that the majority of them are still snake oil salesmen, profiting from other people’s suffering. In November of 1905 one of these patent medicine men sent a certain Mr. Mark Twain a letter including his advertising leaflet for his medicine “The Elixir of Life”, which claimed to , among other things, cure meningitis, which killed Twain’s daughter in 1896, and diptheria, which killed his 19 month old son. Following here is his letter to that salesman. Read it and laugh, and then read it again, and say as I did, “Hooray, Mr. Twain! Hooray! ”

Nov.20,1905

J.H. Todd
1212 Webster Street
San Francisco, Cal

Dear Sir,
Your letter is an insoluble puzzle to me. The handwriting is good, and exhibits considerable character, and there are even traces of intelligence in what you say, yet the letter and the accompanying advertisements profess to be the work of the same hand. The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots , stretching back to the Missing Link. It puzzles me to make out how the same hand could have constructed your letter and your advertisements. Puzzles fret me, puzzles annoy me, puzzles exasperate me, and always for a moment , they arouse in me an unkind state of mind toward the person who has puzzled me. A few moments from now my resentment will have faded and passed and I shall probably even be praying for you; but while there is yet time I hasten to wish that you may take a dose of your own poison by mistake , and enter swiftly into the damnation which you and all other patent medicine assassins have so remorselessly earned and do so richly deserve.

Adieu! Adieu! Adeiu!

Mark Twain