About Me~, chronic illness, humor, inspirational, Uncategorized, Writing

Yakkity Yak……..

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Happy HumpDay EveryBUDDY! I hope this finds you having a good one so far. It has been a crazy roller-coaster week for me. I went to see the neuro-specialist yesterday and received some long awaited answers. ( I know we are still doing our “26 Days Series, and this will tie in, I promise. ) I have had neurological problems since early childhood; severe headaches, attention difficulties, etc, although , you know that kind of thing was not really treated in my generation. In my teens the headaches became unbearable, and with pregnancy ; let’s just say, they were the kind where you went to the E.R., and begged to be put out of your misery. After finding out I had systemic lupus at 19, the neurological problems only snowballed. Neuropathy; that lovely feeling of sticking your extremities into a light socket repeatedly (ZZZT!ZZZT!ZZZT!) , brain “fog” ; having done  a  simple task ; like writing a check , a million times , and then suddenly not knowing how to do it (What do I put on that line again?!?) , and then the final blow ,  an actual stroke that for a couple of days left me paralyzed from the neck down (Oh crap. My nose itches, and I can’t even move my hands. This is a problem I had NOT anticipated. ) . And we just yesterday found out left me with permanent mid-brain damage. We HAD thought I was having seizures of an epileptic variety. The specialist, who is tops in his field is almost certain I am not ( He figured this out when ……….He said …………move your eyes left………….I attempted to , but the whole ROOM felt like it moved left, I hereby proceeded to simultaneously attempt to toss the lunch monkey on the good doctor’s Italian leather shoes, and then pass out .) Which is apparently hugely autonomic and NOT epileptic. This is both GOOD and BAD news. The good news being , this brain damage is static . It is where it is , it is not going anywhere, it won’ t move, or get any worse. The BAD news being , it is where it is, it is not going anywhere, it won’t move. It also can’t really be treated.  (In the good doctor’s defense, he stood right by the exam table, and patted my hand, reassuring me, while I tried valiantly not to fall of the edge of the Earth. He seems like a very decent bloke. ) There’s nothing to be done for it. This place where it is damaged controls the wake\sleep center of my brain, the pupil function of my eyes, and the temperature control of my body. So basically, I have no way to tell my body to shut off, go to sleep, shut my pupils against the sun, or regulate itself against heat or cold. And I wonder why I feel lousy. Heh. Anywho. The doctor wants one more test to absolutely rule out seizures, but he is almost certain the midbrain damage is the cause of all my troubles. The reason I said all this, was to say, 18 years ago , when I was diagnosed, I would never have told a single soul all of that. I would have been embarrassed. I would have said, “People don’t need to know that. ” “People will laugh.” “People might make fun of me.”  But these days , I think it is so important that I use my experiences to tell others what can and DOES happen with lupus. I didn’t know that heart failure, stroke, neurological, and autonomic failure was so rare in lupus. Most rheumatologists will only see one or two cases of it in their entire careers. So if I can talk to other people, and educate them about what I am going through, I want them to know. Lupus is so much more than just joint pain. Talk to someone. If you know someone with lupus , ask if you can talk to them about it. Ask them questions. Talk to them about their feelings. Talk to them about this stupid disease. Talk to them about the lack of options that we have. Talk to them about the lack of research. Talk to them about how they feel about the lack of doctors, and care. If you HAVE lupus, talk to your family. Talk to your friends. Talk to your doctors. Talk to other lupies. Don’t isolate yourself. I will basically answer any question openly, if people ask honestly. I learn, they learn………win, win.

And because I got totally sidetracked, today’s letter was “T”, by the by. “T” for talk.

Oh, and if I haven’t said it yet today, I LOVE YOU! with all my ❤ and 🙂 and as always ((HUGS)) ~ Ruby J.

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2 thoughts on “Yakkity Yak……..”

  1. Yes, …. I feel the same way about talking and sharing. And several things that happen to me happen to you. It has made me wonder and most people in my life call me a hypochondriac. I get new glasses and within 3 months I cannot no longer see out of them. sometimes my Rx has changed and other times it is the same and I cannot ‘see’ . Hearing too. I have lost my top end of hearing (because I dated a sound man for 5 years?). I HAVE to read peoples lips when they talk or I have no idea what they are saying. Forget it if they turn their back on me. Sometimes I can hear fine and other times I cannot not. I firmly believe it is lupus messing with me. I do not care what a doctor says because I have not met an intelligent one yet. Listening to everyone with lupus helps me put it all together. And do you know what? I find myself feeling better about myself when I accept that this is lupus monkeying around with me and I am not mentally ill and imagining these things. I know I’m not imagining them. Thank you Rudy J for sharing and helping me believe in my truth.

    1. Awww! I am glad it helped you. I am glad we are friends. We “get” each other. That is a rare thing in the world anymore. I hope you are recuping and resting , and taking care. ❤ you oodles!

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