You , Maid! Fetch me a bath!



I did something today that by archaic standards probably  doesn’t sound all that bad. I took my first bath in over a year. Now before you freak out , screaming “EWWWWW! Go away, cootie -girl!!” I don’t mean , “I haven’t showered, shaved, or washed my hair.” So like, Nyah! I mean I haven’t had a real , sit down in the tub , enjoying a soak- bath. Which I have MIIIIIIIISSSSSSSEEEDDDD. I . LOVE. BATHS. The oils, The smelly things, The hot water, The getting in,  The STAYING IN! ARRRGH. Just all of it. So why had it been a year?!? You’re probably already asking that in your mind, I know you are. She must have been like, in a convent , or something! No, see here’s the sitch. My body hates me. Seriously. It’s out of its own mind. On any given day. It literally can’t decide what to do with itself. I have lupus for starters , which let me tell you is SUPER FUN! ( Insert sarcasm here) If that weren’t enough jollies all its very own  🙂  it decided to bring something called autonomic dysfunction to the party! Whhhhheeeee! Basically meaning the control knobs to my nervous system are permanently broken.  Sooooo………..let’s see what shall our nervous system decide for you today? Want to have your heart rate bottom out , and faint in front of a whoooooole bunch of people? Ok! Or how about a stroke, that sounds like a genuinely good time! Or gee, let’s make you allergic to so many random things that you never know what might set you off, and big box stores become like roulette wheels of anaphalaxis! Also no more hot water because it makes your blood pressure zoom out of control, and you pass out in the tub.  Oh and standing showers are out of the question , so here’s the little old lady shower chair for you as well! Welcome to your new bathing routine, and  enjoy! So yeah, a whole year, it’s been, but I was super careful today ! I promise. Water wasn’t,  kill you hot, I had the grippie rug, no slippery oils, and let me tell you it . was. fan -freaking-tastic. Did I mention that I love baths?? I won’t say it was better than sex, but it was pretty close. It might be a whole other year before I get another, so hey! I must take my fun where I find it these days………….Take that chronic disease, you’ve been bested one more round!


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