About Me~

But a Breath~

1883

Well, I survived the carnage of the holidays, at least until New Years. I know my last post was very Grinchy and I apologize. I’m not sure what had gotten into me. Holiday overload I suppose. I am looking for 2014 to be better truly. I would so love for it to start out with better health for me, but don’t know if that’s realistic. That’s a funny thing isn’t it? Someone once asked me what was the difference between my reality and my positivity ? Wow. Deep question I guess. I’m not sure, really. I guess, the reality is I have lupus , have had for 21 years now. 5 of those were undiagnosed where I went around in a hell of doctors just telling a 14 year old kid she was a nutcase. The reality is I have heart failure, Super ventricular tachycardia, dysautonomia , meaning lupus has fried the controls on my nervous system beyond repair. The reality is I’m 35 , with 2 children , a husband , and I can’t stand on my feet for longer than 10 minutes without passing out. That ‘s the reality. The POSITIVITY is being angry about any of those things will not change them. Positivity is realizing that I am still on THIS side of the flower bed today. The positive side of things is , I am about 5 years past the point one doctor said I would live, without a heart transplant. So what ‘s the difference between living in reality and positivity? You decide that , “Yeah, I was born with this incredibly fatal disease, and it sucks. I didn’t DO anything to deserve it. IT SUCKS. I might die tomorrow. ” But you know what? YOU might die tomorrow too. And you’re completely healthy . For we are but a breath. You could be in a car accident, you could suffer a fall, you could be mugged. THAT’S REALITY. So WHY NOT , FIND the POSITIVITY?? I choose to.

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