About Me~

The Hand You’re Given~

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Okay, big breath before this post. I always say that when I know in my brain that the things I am about to say are liable to offend someone somewhere in the cyberverse. But I have never shied away from telling how I really feel, (just ask those of my family or my true friends 🙂 It’s not really a bone to pick , or a soap box issue , it’s just something I want to bring up. See, I run a lupus page on FaceBook. I will have been running it for a year in November. Yay , me , right. Well, I guess. I mean , I’m not tooting my own horn , like Johan on that ridiculous coffee commercial. But I follow a lot of other lupus pages as well and have made a lot of friends from all over the world and it’s great fun. These are all positives. But I want to say something else too. For those who read my page, they see that I post positive and funny pictures . My goal is to get people to laugh and maybe forget for one minute that lupus is part of their life ALWAYS. But let me back up a minute, Don’t be fooled. Don’t mistake what you see for what is REALLY happening in my life, okay? I am 34 soon to be 35. I’ve had lupus for what they think is nearly 20 years diagnosed for almost 16. It attacked my heart causing congestive heart failure. I only have 30% function of it. It attacked my joints where every morning it’s agony to roll out of bed. It’s attacked my nervous system and brain causing something called dysautonomia where your nervous controls are fried , and you have no control over your heart rate or brain activity , so that without medication my resting heart rate might be 155, and I could have a seizure or some other event. I suffer from fatigue so severe that walking from the sofa to the bathroom can cause me to feel like passing out. I can’t drive, cook, clean or shop. Am I telling you this because I want a pity party ? Do I want you to come crawling out of the wood work with comments saying “You brave soul!” NO!! The exact opposite. I didn’t DO anything to deserve this. I got a lousy genetic deck of cards. But it ISN’t ANYone’s fault. And I refuse to give into pity! People have accused me of being in denial, “You should be angry!” Why? At who? It’s life. People suffer horrible things everyday. Why should I say , “Why me?” Shouldn’t the question be, “Why NOT me?” AM I EXEMPT somehow from human suffering? And tell me something else , Does being angry help? Does taking my emotions out on those who care about me, the doctors, hospital personnel or even complete strangers on the street, help me in any way? Will it help cure my lupus? Will it bring a spark of joy anywhere in this already VERY dark world? No,I’m not being a PollyAnna , and I have days where I cry my eyes out too. But , it doesn’t consume me. On the days it seems too much , I just remind myself, it came to pass, it didn’t come to stay, and take it one second, not even one minute at a time. I SMILE. Ask about someone elses’ problems, you might be surprised and humbled, and find out , yours might not seem so bad after all.

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