Advance warning~ Slightly grouchy, glaringly truthful post ahead……
DAY ? ~ Whatever……..
After Thanksgiving, before Christmas. LETTER? X. What does the X stand for? I used to hate that in math. No. Today? The X is for the X in explanations. As in, explaining every day. “No. I don’t feel better .” “No. I don’t know when I will.” “Yep. I still have lupus.” “No. I don’t know when it will go away.” “Yes. I’m still tired.” “Yes, my hair is falling out.” “No, I don’t know when I can get off of the chemo.” “No. I don’t feel like, going out, visiting anyone, cleaning house, having company, cooking dinner, attending church, or even combing my hair.” I go ONE time a week to the grocery store, and it takes a WHOLE other week to recharge to do it again on Friday. If you throw a couple of mid week doctor appointments in there, then I’m no good to anybody.
I am totally NOT trying to sound cranky. I know everyone really genuinely wants to know how I am . But , I just don’t have any new NEWS.
Not a cold.
This stuff KILLS people.
The medicine designed to help , makes my stomach come up, my hair fall out, and my body move like Vermont molasses in January.
I was sick yesterday.
I’m sick today.
Barring a miracle,
I’ll be sick tomorrow.
And the bad thing is, as much as you love me, and I love each and every one of you, there is NOTHING you can do. You can pray. That’s it. I just don’t know what else to tell you. I could make it easy for everyone, I guess. I could say, “I’m fine.” But, it’s just not true. I’m not okay. I don’t know when I will be. But I love you all the same. Just let me breathe. Let me heal. Let me rest. Let me cry. Let me stay at home. Let me be the crazy , tired, goofy , grouchy, oddball I’ve always been. And I promise, when they announce a cure for lupus, I’ll be first in line. First to get it , and first to shout it from the rooftops!!
Thanks for being here for me through the walking dead stages……..love ya! ((HUGS))) 🙂