About Me~

It Is What It Is~

Never regret. If it’s good, if it’s wonderful. If it’s bad. It’s experience. ~ Victoria Holt

Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere. ~ Grandpa Jones

I have lupus. I am 33 years old. I was diagnosed with this terrible disease at age 19. I had just given birth to my son whose heart was damaged BY my lupus. They told us he might not live. They said that IF he lived, he would be brain damaged, and never walk, talk , learn to read or be “normal”. They told me about 7 years ago, that very soon, my heart would be in complete heart failure, and that even if I took all my medicines, I would not live for very long.
I had someone ask me if it made me angry. And I had to think, “Was I angry?” No. Not really. Sad, yes. Disappointed. Life definitely was NOT turning out like I had planned. Frustrated. Confused. But, not really angry. I know people think I’m in denial about it. But , really what would anger accomplish? It is what it is. It is no one’s fault. I told the doctor “I just got dealt a lousy genetic hand of cards.” I have good days and bad days. So do people who are “normal”. It’s life in this crazy, mixed-up, wonderfully wild world. Being angry is not a very productive emotion for someone with lupus. It actually makes you feel worse physically. Stress is not my friend! So, if I get caught up on that treadmill of “feeling sorry for myself”, I try to remember there are people who are actually in worse shape than me. It’s all experience and worrying is not going to get me anywhere.
Oh, and by the way. My son is 13. He just passed the 7th grade test. He has a pacemaker, but he walks , talks, reads, and is just about as “normal” as ANY teenage boy. (Heh, heh!) I am NOT in complete heart failure. I DO take my medicines, and yes, the days are challenging. But , I refuse to give up. I refuse to regret even a single minute of a single day. I’m living for the experience, and hope you will too!


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